Winning the Race

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She was ready for the race. Today she was going to win. She had to win. She was waiting at the start. Waiting for the moment to start running. BANG! She was off. Running faster than She had ever ran before. I have to win she kept telling myself. She was in the lead. She was definitely going to win. She could see the finish line. People were cheering and clapping. She was nearling there. She was going to win! She won! Yes. People were cheering, the commentators roaring. She felt excited. She felt proud. Her dream came true. Yes! 

Comments

  1. Mrs S6 September 2016 at 12:32

    Hello Thato,

    This is a lovely piece of writing, but please make sure you read the brief very carefully to ensure that you have followed all the instructions carefully.

    (You should have written in the first person: ...…I could see the finish line, then… How did YOU feel etc.)

    Please do keep writing because the more you write, the more your skills will develop!

    I look forward to your next piece.

    Mrs S.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mrs S21 September 2016 at 08:56

    Hello Thato,

    This is an enjoyable piece of writing, but please be sure to read the instructions carefully. You had to include the prompt '…I could see the finish line, then…' in your writing, and this would have resulted in a different outcome in your written piece above.

    Don't give up, because you write well and are developing a fine writing style. I look forward to your next piece!

    Mrs S.

    ReplyDelete

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